Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
