I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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