Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
