hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
