Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Randomize
