woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
how do flat chested girls get laid?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize