dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
