there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
