hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
