Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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