He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
