Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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