I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
