connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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