i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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