There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize