I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
