All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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