i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
