just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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