i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
