Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
