Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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