Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
