my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
