you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
