my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
