Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
