3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize