Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
