Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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