is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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