i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
