Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize