when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
