i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
