It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
