My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just found a bag of teeth...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
