Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
