it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize