pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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