So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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