He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
