Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
