I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
