Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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