My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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