god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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