Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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