Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize