i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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