I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Oh god it's open bar.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
