I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
