I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize