buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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