I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
