i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
