This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
