I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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