If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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