if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Shame is for Republicans.
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