so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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