So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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