She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
