But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize