Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
