Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
