A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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