She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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