I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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