hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
