..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
