I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
