It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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