Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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