I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
