Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
