You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
