i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
