sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
