Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
