hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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